Friday, March 18, 2011

That unreasonable dream

There are times when you feel absolutely void. You cant describe it as being depressed, or even as lack of happiness. It is just those prolonged 3 hours you need to be awake before you'd call it a day. You surely don't appreciate company (even if it is your own) nor can you just pull up the covers and put yourself to sleep. Its almost as if you are wishing for something, it's like you're waiting for life to happen. You're waiting for action even if it requires you to go into severe depression but you're just too bloody bored with that substandard thing you call 'life'. Well, certainly next day morning when you get up you do point out to your rational mind that your life has never been substandard. You've done a lot of things which have made your folks proud, you've had a lot of moments which even today bring a smile on your face. So, were the those few hours last night just some unwanted, unnecessary, worthless hours in the otherwise interesting life you lead? The rational mind always says, yes!

The screw up happens when you have an examination to deal with in the coming week and just want to break away from all that rationality. (Maybe because, that's the only way you'd be able to read that book you've been longing to read or see one of those movies which have been stacked up in your hard disk or for that matter just do anything apart from staring into a strange book which you know you must complete before that paper starts.) Whatever the reason, you let the irrationality stay on a little more, you wonder what could have been and what is, you wonder whether where you are going is where you always wanted to go. (You do manage to make quite a few incoherent markings in that textbook you're reading, or to make this relate to more folks those xeroxed notes you're holding.)

That is when the question strikes, where do you want to go anyway(in life, that is)? Who are you trying to be? Didn't you as a kid always want life to be extra-ordinary? Dint you want big things for yourself? It could be being a rocket scientist who would alter the rules of the world, or a writer who would change the way things would be, or even a sportsman who'd be cheered by the whole country. You stopped dreaming cause you wanted a better life for you, your present family and your to-be family. You stopped because not everyone can have an extra-ordinary life. You stopped because all of that happens only in the movies. In doing all this, you forgot one thing, what is the fun of life unless you've lived it your way. Would you not want to just break the barriers one day and fight for a dream which you would be really passionate about? Yes, you would want to but maybe after a year, cause that is when you'd have graduated (or any other self imposed threshold)

The irrational mind asks you, how difficult is it to achieve your dream? It reminds you that at one point you'll be sitting on a chair wondering what all you did and you would not want to regret your decisions. You get but one chance to lead a life, and you have all the right to make it as interesting or as boring you want it to be. Whatever you do, do remember that life is void without that one unreasonable dream. The recurring dull 3 hours before you sleep are a staunch reminder of that voidness. You try to runaway from difficult routes, you try to run towards security but that irrational mind will tell you that the joy is in sweating it out every single day for that one cause of yours. A cause that gives you goosebumps, a cause that lights up your eyes, a cause that will not give you those void hours, a cause that makes you want to live more, a cause that will make you sit back someday and make you smile because you gave it a shot. Whether you achieve it or not, strangely, does not matter at all because it is those sleepless nights you spent, those worried days that you survived and those exiting moments you experienced that make make your life satisfying. Your cause could be as small as giving the most flawless performance on a stage someday or as big as bringing about a change in the way things happen, but that irrational mind urges you to chase that cause with all that you've got. Because even rationally your life is substandard without that one unreasonable dream, that one undying passion, that one unending fight and that one unforgettable day.

We all have it in us to breakaway, but we hold on tight just to our security. The irrational mind says- fuck security, go chase your dream, however unreasonable, while doing so believe in your ability because it is you who want it to happen and constantly keep fighting cause for heaven's sake the fight is what makes life worth living.

But before you do any of that you must attend your cellphone that's been ringing for a while now. Your panic-stricken friend reminds you, you have an examination to give. You remind yourself a responsible person. You would not do stupid things to achieve unwanted, far-fetched fairy tales. No one tries to achieve unreasonable dreams. No one in their right mind, at least.


Mohan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Beautiful & honest account of encounter with self :)


saaru ,,, bahut saaru :)

flipped.... said...

Gajju Bhai - Thank you! I let it just flow out the way it did, no alterations!

Anandy - Hahaha.... Gehra enough, eh?

kushal said...

what u have written, is so the thing we all think about, is so the thing we all want the courage to do...i like the way it flows and ends...:)

flipped.... said...

:) :) Its was straight from the heart, no attempt to make it funny as earlier ones! :)