And The Heart Yearns...

Lost somewhere are the winding roads,

the green trees, purple hills, O’ the mighty snow.

Lost somewhere is the clear blue sky,

the cold winds, mirrored lakes, O’ her furious flow.

Back they are, to jammed roads ‘n concrete waste

To black fog, un-starred skies, O’ you nature’s foe

Their grit was tested on treacherous passes,

by steep slopes, blind curves & dusty roads

by slippery slush from melted ice,

and puncture threats on rocky precipice.

Their wheels crave for those unbuilt roads,

over deep valleys & thro’ shallow flows.

The unwavering strength was finally rewarded

as the Four scaled the mighty heights unscathed.

But, lost somewhere are those winding roads,

those green trees, purple hills, that mighty snow.

But, Lost Somewhere is that clear blue sky

those Cold Winds, Mirrored lakes ‘n her furious flow.

Back they are, to Jammed roads ‘n concrete waste

to Black fog, un-starred skies, O’ you nature’s foe

Be it Leh, Upshi, Psumdo, Sarchu or Bhand Alchi,

each meal was ambrosia, people friendly & kids chirpy.

For slumber, stood tents in the noisy wild

multi-storeyed holes, for excretion, in some corner lied

The morning began at an early six,

Bungie ties ‘n blue ‘pannis’ let the bags be fix

The daily distance – couple a hundred long

Accompanying was virgin Nature all along

The heart yearns deep for those winding roads,

for green trees, purple hills, ‘n a mighty snow.

The heart yearns deep for that clear blue sky

for Cold Winds, mirrored lakes, ‘n a furious flow

The heart yearns deep to kick-start that loyal bike,

Pack the blue bag & one more time, make a Go!

That unreasonable dream

There are times when you feel absolutely void. You cant describe it as being depressed, or even as lack of happiness. It is just those prolonged 3 hours you need to be awake before you'd call it a day. You surely don't appreciate company (even if it is your own) nor can you just pull up the covers and put yourself to sleep. Its almost as if you are wishing for something, it's like you're waiting for life to happen. You're waiting for action even if it requires you to go into severe depression but you're just too bloody bored with that substandard thing you call 'life'. Well, certainly next day morning when you get up you do point out to your rational mind that your life has never been substandard. You've done a lot of things which have made your folks proud, you've had a lot of moments which even today bring a smile on your face. So, were the those few hours last night just some unwanted, unnecessary, worthless hours in the otherwise interesting life you lead? The rational mind always says, yes!

The screw up happens when you have an examination to deal with in the coming week and just want to break away from all that rationality. (Maybe because, that's the only way you'd be able to read that book you've been longing to read or see one of those movies which have been stacked up in your hard disk or for that matter just do anything apart from staring into a strange book which you know you must complete before that paper starts.) Whatever the reason, you let the irrationality stay on a little more, you wonder what could have been and what is, you wonder whether where you are going is where you always wanted to go. (You do manage to make quite a few incoherent markings in that textbook you're reading, or to make this relate to more folks those xeroxed notes you're holding.)

That is when the question strikes, where do you want to go anyway(in life, that is)? Who are you trying to be? Didn't you as a kid always want life to be extra-ordinary? Dint you want big things for yourself? It could be being a rocket scientist who would alter the rules of the world, or a writer who would change the way things would be, or even a sportsman who'd be cheered by the whole country. You stopped dreaming cause you wanted a better life for you, your present family and your to-be family. You stopped because not everyone can have an extra-ordinary life. You stopped because all of that happens only in the movies. In doing all this, you forgot one thing, what is the fun of life unless you've lived it your way. Would you not want to just break the barriers one day and fight for a dream which you would be really passionate about? Yes, you would want to but maybe after a year, cause that is when you'd have graduated (or any other self imposed threshold)

The irrational mind asks you, how difficult is it to achieve your dream? It reminds you that at one point you'll be sitting on a chair wondering what all you did and you would not want to regret your decisions. You get but one chance to lead a life, and you have all the right to make it as interesting or as boring you want it to be. Whatever you do, do remember that life is void without that one unreasonable dream. The recurring dull 3 hours before you sleep are a staunch reminder of that voidness. You try to runaway from difficult routes, you try to run towards security but that irrational mind will tell you that the joy is in sweating it out every single day for that one cause of yours. A cause that gives you goosebumps, a cause that lights up your eyes, a cause that will not give you those void hours, a cause that makes you want to live more, a cause that will make you sit back someday and make you smile because you gave it a shot. Whether you achieve it or not, strangely, does not matter at all because it is those sleepless nights you spent, those worried days that you survived and those exiting moments you experienced that make make your life satisfying. Your cause could be as small as giving the most flawless performance on a stage someday or as big as bringing about a change in the way things happen, but that irrational mind urges you to chase that cause with all that you've got. Because even rationally your life is substandard without that one unreasonable dream, that one undying passion, that one unending fight and that one unforgettable day.

We all have it in us to breakaway, but we hold on tight just to our security. The irrational mind says- fuck security, go chase your dream, however unreasonable, while doing so believe in your ability because it is you who want it to happen and constantly keep fighting cause for heaven's sake the fight is what makes life worth living.

But before you do any of that you must attend your cellphone that's been ringing for a while now. Your panic-stricken friend reminds you, you have an examination to give. You remind yourself a responsible person. You would not do stupid things to achieve unwanted, far-fetched fairy tales. No one tries to achieve unreasonable dreams. No one in their right mind, at least.

Bah....

So, on a sleepy night the author gets fairly worked up about things being superficial in life. He seems to have stuck himself to the belief that most of the things around tend to have no reason. From a superficial marketing gimmick to a superficial academic course, from a superficial coding job to a superficial world cup, things revolve around profits of a handful few and the delusion of the rest. The irony is that there is happiness and calmness in delusion and unrest and uncertainity when the spell breaks.

Thoughts divert to kicking oneself in the arse cause no action and just glorified thought never helped anyone. The inertia takes a while to sake away but the while seems to be taking just too long! And while the while does pass by the author reverts to another sitcom or some facebook surfing or some random assignment copying.............. bah!

Of assembly lines, thresholds and breaking away...

This probably will be the first time I'll come straight to a point (even though, the temptation of digressing simply to invoke humor or for that matter confusion, is huge). The so called MBA, that i'm pursuing, has finally evoked some thoughts in my head. In fact, all through my education these thoughts always lingered till they reached a boiling point here when I realized that with higher education I am simply narrowing my outlook. I wonder why a Mechanics subject becomes bullshit for an Electronics engineer, or, for that matter, a Finance lecture is of no use for a Marketing guy. I remember being taught, as a kid. that knowledge imparted, from whichever source and in whichever field, should be grasped gleefully. However, as I grew up not paying attention at such instances itself (when knowledge is imparted) became a fashion.

So, the bigger picture (and this. after having pursued education in perhaps the best institutions in their respective fields) is that more and more folks come to learn with the intention of not learning and if they do come in to learn they put in their best to restrict themselves to a certain 'Course' since, empirically its proven that life is full of instances straight out of that 'Course.' I wonder what happened to learning just to quench curiosity, but for that I'll have to wonder what happened to curiosity in the first place!

It got lost in our love to produce assembly line. An assembly line of men and women who are successful because they are well educated. They ensure the path they take is at least taken by a 100 other people and they believe that paths to success are only known to the ones who have already succeeded. Plus, as more 'batches' come out they start making the production of coming 'batches' simpler.

The little originality left is reduces with every batch. That is why, seniors help juniors to restrict the 'Course' further and the juniors are glad they would succeed by knowing less without even flinching about the possibility of having missed vital insights. But then, why would they care for some stupid vital insights if their 'goal' is achieved? And is not the 'goal' the only relevant thing? Maybe, it's all got to do with the thresholds for 'happiness' the society sets for itself and strangely, the whole assembly line becomes programmed to derive its happiness from exactly the same things. It's always about the best job or the most satisfying job-the one which everyone wants and the one which everyone wants is invariably the one with maximum monetary returns! Could we ever try to break free from this assembly line and think for ourselves? Again, I'm not saying this since I believe I have broken free. I myself am a proud production of this very assembly line. I'm merely pondering if there was ever a way we could break free.

Breaking away would mean shit load of books and undefined courses (in our students' terms) or more broadly put, challenging the thresholds set for happiness. By encouraging your own self to think the earth is round when everyone else knows it is flat. By maybe, for once, not restricting oneself to defined courses and instead exploring those topics which always interested one as a kid. But then, who would put such a lot of effort? Ermmm, but who exactly said putting less effort is better? In the one life we have, we try our best to work the least since that way life is more exiting? We tend to define and restrict our learnings since less knowledge would mean a more satisfied life? We jumped into this ironical world of ours just because we started blindly believing in the sacred 'thresholds'!

Life is more about deriving maximum satisfaction. Which would rationally come from making the most out of life. Unbelievably friends, we all have our own perceptions for making the most out of our lives and i'm pretty sure spending years of our lives studying restricted courses features in no one's perception. It's sure an uneasy thought and for the first few times you will refute other 'non-assembly' perceptions till you reach a point when you will define our own happiness. Just wish, for you as well as for me, it does not end up being too late.

Unorganized Structuring....

Its funny how I've spent around an hour trying to figure out the best way to start this and have finally come up with this silly line after unlimited pondering! This is in fact very similar to how life is, you plan for her for almost an eternity and she stuns you by unfolding in an entirely different way. (Being a male, I prefer referring to life as a female which ensures I at least live with some girl if I end up being single and makes me less of a sexist!) For one whole year now I have refrained from posting as the earlier posts had put a huge burden on me to churn out something as incomprehensible and winding as them. I do not say that I am posting since this is an impressive attempt at being incomprehensible or winding but this is the best I could churn out considering the new profession I've decided for myself calls for (stupid) structuring of thoughts whom I've tried to unorganize here to the best of my ability.

For those who'd care to know the barbers here (Delhi, Kamala Nagar) too believe in intimidating their customer by almost choking them and that is from where I derive my feeling of being at home (for the lack of other incidents as you shall soon see.) The capital of India has this notorious habit of shutting things down by 10 pm which for a Mumbaikar is simply unacceptable. So deserted are the roads that even men walking alone carry with them a small fear of being molested, mugged or raped. The roads are designed (in the area where I live) to accommodate around two cars together on them but the average Delhi guy (or gal) is always confident of finding his way through the lane especially when his is the third car and while doing so he loves honking (incessantly) cause historically car horns have had the reputation of magically displacing vehicles (and even humans) out of their way. It is said that the average Delhi guy spends around an hour of their daily lives parking and de-parking his car cause of the corners they choose to park in and the various kind of protective locks they use around the car. (Any feelings some of my Delhi friends keep of holding me by the scruff of the neck and strangling me should be done away with since this is simply my observation of where I live.)

The place sure has more parks than Mumbai (The urge to call it Bombay is strong). In fact the total number of parks in Mumbai would be equal to the parks in every 2 sq kms in Delhi. Its a different thing that whenever I've tried to enter them the gates have appeared closed! The metro here is a delight and one can only wonder if at least his kids would be able to witness a functional Metro rail in Mumbai. In short, both cities have their pros and cons but the key is your adaptability and on this politically correct note I shall like to lay to rest this debate!

*******

It almost strange how learning more actually consumes your curiosity. Compare yourself to a toddler who's inquisitive about everything around him. What stops us from asking questions like we used to as a kid? Is it fear of being judged? Or, the fear of sounding stupid? Or, simply a habit we get into (being ever so in love with conformity)? Or is it (the most dreadful of all) simply boredom? If you really sit down to think, you'd want to curse the pedagogic curriculum or even your peers (for constantly laughing at your uncalled for zeal, if you ever tried questioning in the first place, that is.) but you'd never blame yourself. Blaming others is another extraordinary characteristic the modern man seems to have developed, but lets do this one extraordinary characteristic at a time!

The unfortunate part is that once lost the curiosity takes a lot of effort to develop. The baffling part is that most of us (the author included) are facing this extraordinary (apologies for reiterating it) disorder at a time when almost any information is available on our fingertips. So, you can get over the fear of getting judged by peers by just being indifferent but how do you shake off the rust of boredom? For that you'll have to ask the first question, try to get the answer and plunge into the world of information.

And yet, amazingly, its our learning that restricts us. So lost are we in our, so called, specializations that we start rejecting 90% of information available to us since it is apparently irrelevant. Alarmingly, the modern man is curious at just two points of his life, one, when he has just started his life and is allowed to trudge at his own pace and two, when he is at its fag end and is left to trudge (or may I say crawl) at his own pace and at other points he's busy trying to conform to everyone else, running at the pace which is at least faster than your closest opponent. Kudos!

*******

For folks, like the one writing this piece, there comes a time when humor needs to be restricted. One wonders why some situations call for utmost seriousness, and if they do, one wonders what holds back a lighthearted, humorous soul from offering the same to it. Being from the school of 'Light Hearted- Using humour as a defense mechanism' myself I guess I'm decently qualified to dissect these guys. What is it that propels us to act unnaturally stupid when we meet new people (more so when it's the opposite sex!) or to give an, uncalled for, funny retort to even the most serious statements or to unnecessarily explain a fairly evident thing?

The truth is that these guys can't afford to be serious for too long and least of all in front of people they hardly know. They generally have a reputation to protect and protecting it is one job (and many a times the only job) they take very seriously. So much for being a jester.....!!

In Dire Times

Many a times you just get addicted to writing, there is this voice inside you which calls out, urges you to write. Such calls or urges come to me when my mind's pretty messed up and there is just no one to listen to my infinite rubbish! And I inevitably end up in a rubbish imparting mood when there has been nothing to do in one whole day, but if one considers these dire times when the hapless citizens are made to sit back home because of a certain H1N1 virus roaming about freely (ironically in their place) around the city, one would realize that there would then be many such days when there would have been nothing to do, and if one has somehow been able to keep track of the flow, it is during such dire times I would be in the greatest of rubbish imparting moods!

Which is why I find it exceedingly necessary to put to all the folks' notice the habit of dogs (mostly male) to sniff places before deeming them as favorable for urinating. Something I managed to observe whilst i was doing absolutely nothing by my window, which is totally unlikely. The unlikeliness not being in standing by the window but in doing absolutely nothing! The usual and very reliable spending quality time in the loo had also become too boring by then! Though the logic of deeming a place clean enough to dirty later on seemed pretty absurd to me! Even more absurd was my sudden fixation with the intricacies of canine urination procedure. But, as i have been saying these are dire times!

These are times when many decide to sit back at home, and others decide to stand up to the adversity and make the most out of it! If one is left wondering how can one make the best out of this situation, one needs to simply look around and notice the repercussions-

1. The usual fellow who manages to squeeze through a perfectly crowded train and sell his pencils, pens, hankies, combs now comes up with these masks and that with sticking to his normal business strategy of assuring to sell them at rates lesser than the market price! What is even more startling is his promoting technique, wherein he himself is sporting a mask! He even has different types of masks ranging from 10 to 50! Too bad he cant let people try them before they buy them (as is another of their marketing strategies, if some do not know!)

2. How mobile companies earn with every sms which reads thus, "50 odd fellows affected by swine flu and you wear masks, but million odd people affected by AIDS but you dont wear condoms!" (In high sentiment we forget that the HIV virus does not roam about in the atmosphere, and that condoms are not worn on faces and thus their being worn might not be so conspicuous!)

3. How condom companies are enjoying the free publicity!

4. The convenience the police department could have during the Independence day, cause the terrorists will finally not be able to find any place which is too crowded! Maybe H1N1 did something good for us after all!

5.The convenience they could further have in areas around bandstand where many a soulmates (so called!) would finally not be able to get so intimate as to thrust each others facial parts into each others mouths in public! Unless, obviously, they find a way to do so throguh the masks! (assuming here that everyone is way too panic-stricken to take off these masks!)

6. How the usual burkha clad ladies internally mock everyone in that if every soul had followed their age old tradition there would have been no swine flul! The burkha might finally come into vogue after all! (which does bring pictures of random actresses clad in bikinis but having a mysterious veil over their face to ones mind, to promote the further awareness, and to go the PETA way!)

7. How, eventually, some extremely finicky ladies would find it exceedingly necessary to match their masks to their dresses, which in turn would trigger mass production of designer masks.

My personal experience with a makeshift mask was pretty annoying. The abominable piece of cloth was forever trying to fal off my face, apparently exposing me to the dangerous virus (!!) and my attempts to talk on the phone turned pretty tiresome, since even the most regular of my call receivers could not place the origins of the voice from the other side. But the biggest drawback of putting on a mask (makeshift or not) is that one has to breath back their own breath and if that is after one has just had a meal of which the major ingredient was onion, one is in for a putrid time! Some blighters could also realize the importance of brushing regularly and the anguish others go through when these blighters talk! (If you know what I mean!) Finally, the importance of mint shall dawn onto people!

Its ironical, thought, that this lack of freedom to roam about comes right around our Independence day, and that on account of some biological fiend which is too miniscule to be seen by the naked eye! Maybe, all this points out at something! Maybe, nature will have its say after all! Maybe, the freedom we are set to lose courtesy the virus was an illusion anyway! Maybe, this is a good time to ponder about this (than about random urinating procedures!) Maybe, we'll eventually get back to our normal lives and not bother about all this! Thats the most practical 'maybe' till now!
But whoever said most practical is the way to go....

random nonesense...

Now, another year is just about to start, as far as my graduation is concerned, that is! This means the long vacation is about to come to an end. Its not really my cup of tea to sit back, relax at the window, listen to music and ponder about various intricacies of life. Though, I do tend to invariably end up doing just that while in the loo (as has already been put to many folks' notice), due to the lack of anything else to do in there. But most of the times the annoying contractions, which, refreshingly, according to the dictionary can be used in this context too, just screw up the line of thought and that certain thought is lost (or flushed, according to the context!). I do apologize solemnly for making things sound really shitty, and literally so at that, and also for digressing yet again from the main point of discussion, but one does need to notice that neither of them could have been be helped and that I am a firm beleiver of presenting things exactly the way they come to ones mind. Coming back to pondering about life and its various nuances, I just thought it would be rather interesting to put down some events that happened or could have happened in this vacation, and jumble them nicely with some random rubbish, or some random preaching, or some more random critisizing....




1. Meeting a friend to check out his new car just before going off to sleep in the night, and suddenly deciding to cancel the sleeping and drive to lonavala at midnight, and that after rubbishing a certain other friends pleas to go to shimla or kerela for a vacation by drilling into him the unrealisticness of such a particular enterprise in just one night. Driving towards ambey valley up the ghat at 4 in the morning and being able to drive only because the NEW car had fog lights! Every moment that passed was a relief since nothing ungoldy sprang up from those ungoldy surroundings at that ungodly hour. I'd always keep hoping to have such a crazy and unexpected drive again.

2. It is absolutely impossible to understand what the Maharashtra Government was trying to achieve by giving 90% admissions to only SSC students! Their claim was that the other boards need to take care of themselves and their students by having new colleges established. Point is, could not there be given thought to this matter a good one year prior to the admission procedure than at the exact doorstep of the same? What would that student do who took to the other boards knowing he'll get the same playing ground when it comes to admission? (Even though it be by help of a strange formulae, which would invariably have few students getting more than a 100%.) Atleast the final decision of having the same base marks is a lot more rational, though absolutely uncharacteristic, and we would welcome some rationality in the system...

3. How a certain blighter got to spend her vacation at a film making school, then at a scenic hill top in uttranchal and finally in Kashmir and while at all this she also managed to finalize her stay in another scenic village side for six darned months and get somehow paid for it too! Towards her are directed all my envy and my awe!

4. Apologies if you did not understand how would staying in a village would get anyone envious of anyone...(Do not desert the blog just on that account!)

5. A thought was also directed towards how places in Mumbai that are most flooded with water get agonizingly more video coverage by our media, who have ceratinly learnt a fair amount of drama from the TV serials, notice the goosebumps giving music, the always emotional voice of the news reader and the ever castigative nature towards the city authority. It is designed to get the average new watcher completely horrified of rains, convincing them not to step out. And if some smart folks decide to venture out, for nothing but the sheer urge to prove the clowns wrong they are greeted with gloomy faces by their family members for having absolute disregard for their lives and their family's emotions (such reprimands are equally melodramatic). Would not giving citizens information about the safer routes, with an absolute unbiased face (cuase thats exactly how a news reader or for that matter even the news should be) than scaring the already 'living on the edge' citizens (courtesy all the terrorists, the cloudbursts, the rapists, the scamsters and the ever faithful stock market) with pictures of flooded areas be a better policy? But with all that competition wouldnt having simple straightforward news mean plummeting of the viewership? Result, further thinning of the edge that we live on...

6. I have still not been able to figure out why would a certain friend be so insistent of goig to a disco, (in goa, where having such a demand is absolutely viable and also to an extent not unethical!) when after going in all he (and with him us) could manage to do was see a zillion rowdies dancing aroung three (female) dancers, scantily clad and heavily cosmeticized, which was neither appealing to the eye nor any other part of the body.

7. How, finally, there was a long drive, as long as 1500km, and how every part of it was jus crazy fun. I refer here to the trip to GOA, in a CAR, which WE drove, from Mumbai (which is approximately 650km one way) which involved almost every thing a road trip would have, form breaking down of cars to serious hair pulling over what will happen now to being happily ever after. Only flaw was that we went off season, which could explain why the disco was more like a dance bar or why there could be no sports in the water. But there were exotic beaches (I, if not others, consider it exotic for the sheer view!) and some spectacular photography opportunities. The repurcussion of the trip was a borken car which refused to start unless it was pushed like in the 18 hundreds...but that is acceptable in return of the time we had..

8. With the introduction of rains, finally, in this season, which till then found it pretty ironical to be called itself rainy, brings with itself this thought, at the risk of being absolutely film like, of someday walking in the rains with some cherished for company.... (of the opposite gender of course, clarifation does become necessary after the scrapping of sections 377 (or for the sake of being politically right, after the rectification of the same)...and of course with the clutching of the hands and the lack of umbrellas........argh contraction (and another thought is lost).

And since there was no end to this piece, that seemed fitting to me, i'd just end it with the thing thats most on my mind, please comment!!